26 January 2014

Learning...Selfishness

I find I am learning something every day. I don't always like what I learn, especially when I learn something new about myself.
                                                                                           "not head of the class"

One of the biggest things I have learned lately is that I have an enormous capacity to love. But this unfortunately is coupled with finding that when I love, I expect certain things to go along with it. However, when they don't,  I find myself disappointed, hurt, angry, and in the end feeling very selfish. As a submissive, that is a terrible way to feel.


I don't want to complain. truly I don't. But I seem to have a big mouth that doesn't open often prefaced with a lot of thought. I consider myself an intelligent person. I also say stupid things, and today I felt something I never wanted to feel from someone I care about a great deal. After complaining and having what I thought was a really good talk about my feelings regarding something I now look at as kind of silly, I felt that the someone I really care about had become slightly...withdrawn. I really hope I'm wrong.

There's only so much I can blame on my hair..or my temper...
                                                                                   "it's becoming somewhat legendary"

Every now and then I have to look at myself and realize that I do have the capacity for selfishness. For want. For wanting equality within something I take incredibly seriously. Maybe I shouldn't take it so seriously. Maybe if I didn't I would be a lot happier in the long run. But it's not really in my nature to do. And I want to be me.

So...as a submissive. What do I do? Continue to love in the same vein in which I have for the last few years? Or try very hard to strengthen and inure myself to hurt so that these "silly" conversations no longer arise? I will always blame myself first. In spite of what I wrote last night. And do forgive that one, dear readers. It was a rant, plain and simple.
                                                                                                "an embarrassing one"
I am always the first one I look at when things do not go as my over-active imagination dictates they should. What is it about me that makes me less desirable, less pleasant, less wanted, less perfect than I was before? And the pin point always turns to my reaction over the simple things. Or maybe the not so simple, as I end up making them far more complicated than they need to be by virtue of my selfishness. It really is a conundrum.

I know what I want. What I am only now just realizing is that it isn't entirely up to me to make it happen. Someone else has to agree with that want and make it happen. Someone else has to want it too. And if they don't, then the only option left to me is accept it and deal with it in the best way for us both. A heartbreaking option at best, but truly all there is.

I won't stop loving. I don't know how. I feel at times as if I will spontaneously combust with it. And perhaps that is exactly why it isn't returned with the same equality. Maybe, just maybe...I love too much.

 Emily


8 comments:

  1. Oh really a nice blog thanks for posting and sharing!! glad to read this blog entry,
    In the event that it is your first time I will make your visit remarkable and I have an approach to make you feel quite so no difficulty’s might be what you need me to be – a young lady for 60 minutes of great quality sex, a young lady as close-by for your amigo or your lady, a young lady for a couple. As an Gurgaon Escorts Service, Independent Escorts in Delhi, Delhi Escorts Service, Gurgaon Escorts, Escorts in Gurgaon, Escorts in Delhi, Delhi Escorts, I appreciate standardizing going to places of consideration, theatre, cooking, agribusiness, forgetting to restaurants and the reek center. I am the kind of female you might want to meet, or you are simply being intrigued! I wouldn't fret, whichever way, assuming that you are simply being intrigued then conceivably what you are going to discover may make you conclude that you are truly pulled in after all-in will listen to your supplies and will dependably attempt my best to escort with any occurrence and help you to feel yourself loose & fulfilled her. So call us If you need Gurgaon Female Escorts, Delhi Female Escorts, Gurgaon Independent Escorts, Delhi Independent Escorts, http://www.delhihotescort.com.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ashlyn takes a photo shoot to a whole new level. Keep in mind this was Ashlyn's first modeling gig with us and she has never worn heels this high until now. She has a killer body and she is so meant for modeling its crazy. It's a video shoot & photo shoot all in one. We look forward to working with Ashlyn again soon. Video On Demand

    ReplyDelete
  3. I assume you've gone "off-the-air" under this pen name?

    ReplyDelete
  4. As you realize that Gurgaon is exceptionally progressive city and known for various reasons, to improve it our Gurgaon escorts http://www.prettycallgirls.in/ give genuine service that customer required; the atmosphere arrangement of Gurgaon additionally so appealing, so that when you come here and take our service, you get great feeling http://www.kavya-arora.in/

    ReplyDelete
  5. As indicated by your inclination we have call girls from various ethnicity and nativity. You can request any of them or request that those in gathering fill some glow to your gathering. On the off chance that you jump at the chance to blessing some individual minutes to your customer or manager, we can securely handle that as well! Simply book your favored diva with us and we will execute whatever is left of the assignments with energy and flawlessness http://www.escortschandigarh.com/

    ReplyDelete
  6. For the a considerable measure of particular needs we have a scope of specialty services beginning from titillating get up services to totally bare shower moves, call girls in Faridabad has that one thing uncommon just for you. You'll even have the capacity to choose your Faridabad escort http://www.indiasexservices.com/faridabad.html girls from an intense rundown of blonde, brunette, extraordinary, voluptuous, school girls, models, Russian or Asian wonders

    ReplyDelete
  7. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  8. With our landing inside the expert escorting industry, a tried and true scaffold is truly made between the customers and the most wanted female escorts. It basically implies that the fraternity of the girls whom you need in your bed is only a couple clicks or a summon from you http://www.indiasexservices.com/bangalore.html

    ReplyDelete

Let me hear from you please!