Is It All A Game?

In a recent conversation with a dear friend, the subject came up of a situation with which she is familiar, in which one of the participants of a M/s relationship treated the entire experience as a sort of game or joke. This is a particular irritant to me, as I like to think that someone would not get involved in such a relationship without first considering the specifics involved, and at least treating it with the respect it deserves. Now, granted, this situation was an online one only, but it had the potential to become very real, and in fact plans were made to make it so.

..yeah..it's twisted all right...

It raised some questions for me regarding online relationships of any kind, whether D/s, M/s, or simply love affairs, if that is what they can be called. And I asked myself, is it all a game?

...do not pass Go...unless you first read the rules...

I am familiar myself with many who are simply playing at these relationships, using them for escape, or perhaps even as a way to test the waters of their inhibitions, to make certain that they are truly interested in what a BDSM or other kinky relationship has to offer. Then, once the temperature feels right, they leave the online world behind and take what they have learned into their real lives, further experimenting their way to sexual happiness. There are others who will never leave that realm of fantasy, preferring the anonymity and ease they feel there, to admitting that they have these interests and trying to make a way for them in their parallel lives. I have no problem with any of this, if in fact you admit to yourself and others that this is what in fact you are doing.

...have at it..

There are many ways to explore these desires, many places that offer opportunities to meet and greet, play around with and perhaps in some cases fall in love with that special partner. I have a friend who recently married a man she met on facebook, and many years ago, I was happy to be bridesmaid at another wedding for a friend who met his bride in an online chat room. 10 years later and they are still married, happy and finally jumping into the paddle closet with regularity!

..it's very romantic...

So that should tell me it isn't all a game, right? Well...no, actually it doesn't. Because I have a sneaking suspicion that these happy endings are rare, few and far between. In fact what I have seen occur more often is feelings being hurt, nasty name calling taking place, people blocking someone here, there and everywhere, and generally a lot of messes. But this happens I think, to those who are playing the game, not taking it seriously, not considering what it is that they are doing, or perhaps playing with someone who isn't aware of the rules, who hasn't had any real life experience, but is pretending they have, or in point of case with my friend's friend, not taking the game as it was meant.

..which can lead to a different game all together...

Submission for example, as played out in online communities is very much a game to very many. It is easy to offer submission online and then not follow through. All you simply have to do is run away whenever it pleases you to do so. There are no real consequences for your behavior, and no real actions from your Dominant to deter you. So it is a game, but it is one sided, and the sub holds all the cards. Especially if the sub offers her submission with no real trust to back it up. This is something that actually pisses me off a little bit.

..this is the game for them...

From what I have seen, I would estimate that there are about 25 subs to every one Master in various online communities, the majority of people not being into this, but only there for kinky fun. Now, unless every one of those Masters was a poly Dom and was capable of handling about 25 subs apiece, you have a mathematical impossibility. So what happens? One of two things. Masters switch subs with increasing regularity, or you begin to see several tight M/s relationships develop, with the other subs looking on green eyed. So why in the world would a sub, when given the opportunity to have a loving Dominant who offers her trust, respect and the possibility of a real life experience, throw it away over a lack of trust? It boggles my mind. But there is only one answer...because it was all a game.

...but it doesn't have to be this way...

I'm thinking the other subs around her are not liking her too much right now. Poor chit.

...the bumps and grinds...take the good with the bad..

Emily