Decisions, Choices, Mistakes

A conversation with an old friend very recently has sparked a sort of controversy in my mind. And it all starts with a question:

Is a sub without a Dom really a sub at all?

...there may be no collar...but can you still soar?...

Let's look at this from a couple of different angles. First the sub's side of things. She's free to make her own decisions, choices, and mistakes with no consequences from another, no guiding hand to lead her on the right path. Oohhh. This could be bad.

..and the road might be a little lonely...but let's walk it anyway...

 Decisions: Let's say this sub was formerly used to a life of almost complete submission in one form or another. Chances are good that with no one to run her decisions by, no one to help her weigh the pros and cons, she may just screw them all up entirely. Or, perhaps if she is really lucky, she will manage to get it right at least 50% of the time!

...tough shoes to fill...

Choices: Hmm. Even tougher. Because exactly who will be giving her these choices? Trust me, it is incredibly comforting to be told you may do A. or you may do B. It takes all the worry out of the plethora of possibilities dogging your heels and as well sets a precedent for each choice. Choose A and this will happen. Choose B and another scenario will appear. (There is no Option C in this analogy.)

...and if it feels like you're choosing blindly, maybe it's because you are...

Mistakes: Oh, believe me! Plenty of these will be made. In mass profusion! And why? Because this sub is suddenly plunged into doing for herself what has previously been done for her. Now, I am not saying that this sub has no intelligence or wits about her. Let's say for the sake of argument that she has both in copious quantities. It still doesn't remove the possibility of her running amok without giving a fuck.

...do try to look before leaping..

Okay, so that's the sub's side of things. But how do others see it? Hmmm. This could be good.

Decisions: She makes the ones that are best for her in each given situation, and actually does a pretty good job of it. Why? Because she still has a sub's heart. And having that she is still able to place others before herself and desire to please those she cares for.

...though submitting to your own will is a tad tricky...

Choices: Again, not too bad. Perhaps people see her struggle with her options, but feel confident that in the end, she will come out on top. And if there are consequences to be paid, she will willingly pay them in whatever way she needs to. That is still very much sub behavior I think.

...even if it's a bit foggy...

Mistakes: Well, look. Nobody's perfect, not even me, though I have claimed that title a time or two. People screw up all the time. Even Doms. And when you do, guess what happens? The people who care about you forgive you and give you another chance to evaluate both your decisions and your choices. Why? because they know your heart was in the right place. And if you don't end up pleasing everyone it's okay.

...tea and typing at 2 am? ...go for it...

 Because every sub, especially those without a Dominant hand to guide them can possibly learn a thing or two from themselves. And the most important lesson? One that can be learned with no applied discipline whatsoever? Every now and then, it's good to please...yourself.

Emily